Sometimes

Sometimes the ahha moments in life are not about joy and goodness. Sometimes they are sad and depressing. If children are the great joy in my world they have also brought me hours of worry and despair. Right now my youngest child is causing me much worry. He is lost. I can see it, his brother and sister can see it but there is nothing for us to do. Prayer...while helpful does not satisfy the human nature. I do pray for him, for discernment and wisdom to come to him. I pray that the people who are near him are good and decent but I am not sure of that so I continue to worry. He has good qualities, I know that in his heart...his soul I know he is a good person but he is lost. I will be here waiting for him to return and I pray that he comes back to the light before he is lost for good. It sounds dramatic but there you have it. A mother's worry is often dramatic and sometimes is for nought. When he was little I use to love to go in and check on him before I went to bed. There he would be fast asleep and SAFE. I could go to bed content that all was well with his world and of course now I cannot. I know that while some of this is growing up problems there are some things that kids do that lead to a dark alley and they never see it until it is too late. If he were to remain lost to me it would be a burden to bear. Not a happy thought but there you have it. Letting go and letting them find their own way is not easy. AHHHHH